Relationships

My ex-boyfriend told me he loved me a few days before we started dating (let's call him John). I had trusted him with my past, in hopes that he wouldn't hold it against me, but once he learned every detail, he started to tell me what to do. My best friend, we'll call her Jane, and I used to be a couple. John didn't like that, seeing as we still talked. He started cutting off my time to spend with Jane, until he finally tore us apart all together. Me and Jane barely held onto each other's friendship. That was the first sign of John controlling me. Another sign, was my hair. I mentioned getting it cut very short, but he said I looked stupid, and he would touch my hair if I did it. Apparently cause it got him made fun of. He didn't care to mention the people that would try and hurt me because of it. If I was on the phone to long with someone besides him, or wanted to hang up on him to go be with family, he wouldn't talk to me for hours, or would make me feel horrible for not talking to him. His controlling got bad, but his manipulation was worse.  I used to be very innocent and reserved when it came to anything sexual, and still am. But during my relationship with John, he wanted it all. Anything from pictures, to web chatting, to phone conversations. And if I didn't deliver, he would guilt trip me. Tell me that he went all out just for me, and that it made him feel like he wasn't enough for me. I eventually stopped fighting it, and no matter how bad or disgusted it made me feel, I gave in. Some nights, I especially wouldn't want to do anything. He would then act like I had ruined his night, and say he'd gotten his hopes up for nothing. I wish I could say it was just manipulation and control he specialized in, but he was emotionally, and sometimes physically abusive. Many nights I'd hang up crying, and he'd call back and dare me to hang up again. He'd tell me horrible things; for example, "I hope you dream of your dead dog tonight". That comment was because I didn't want to go to school the day after my dog was put down. One day for April Fools, he told me I was ugly, that my shirt was stupid, and that I don't love him enough to match him for a day, but I'll gladly do it for my band friends. He tried to pass it off as a joke...but no one was buying it. Physically, he was always rough with people. But I drew the line when he pushed me into a wall for getting in between him and one of my friends he was mad at. John also got into the habit of squeezing my arm when I tried to walk away from him, or when I wasn't speaking to him. It all ended the day his anger got the better of him. He dumped me because I was angry at him and wouldn't talk to him. Afterwards he begged for me back, but I refused. He then decided it would be good to follow me after school for 3 days, and kick a door during after school Drum Line practice. It ended with me on the back steps hyperventilating with a mixture of fear, embarrassment,  and anger. After the break up though, he didn't leave me alone. He text-ed me non-stop, called me everyday, text-ed my parents lies about me doing drugs and drinking alcohol at a friends house, and then called me a whore in front of my friends. I slapped him. But that didn't stop him. Soon, my facebook started getting hacked, and slanderous things were posted for the world to see. I knew it was John, but John blamed it on another person, called James. For weeks I believed that this James guy existed. I even talked to him, and let him fix me and John's relationship. But that didn't last long. Johns mother got onto his Facebook, and told me to leave him alone because I was making him worse. Then I found out that all of it, the hacker and the past he told me, was a big fat lie.

Relationships can be perfect, they can be stressful. But if a relationship ever becomes too serious to fast, or controlling, it's time to re-evaluate. If you don't, it could mean your happiness, your ethics, or even your safety is at stake. Be careful.